You Might Be a Parent If…
- “Sleeping in” means sleeping to 7:30… A.M.
- Any time past 9:30 is past your bed time.
- Upon hearing “They’re two, they’re four, they’re six, they’re eight…” you drop in to a Brittish accent and perfectly complete the next line of the song. (I know some of you are humming…)
- “No,” “stop,” and “don’t” comprise 75% of your active vocabulary.
- Most of the “fine furniture” in your house is plastic and brightly colored.
- If you had any money to invest, you would sink it all in to a few brands — Energizer, Pampers, & Fisher Price.
- You’ve come to realize your threshold for “blowing chunks” is way beyond what you ever imagined.
- Any accident that doesn’t require a trip to the emergency room is a reason for celebration.
- All small objects in your house are mysteriously attracted to slots and holes, especially slots and holes in high dollar electronic equipment.
- You ever suddenly find yourself simultaneously soaked in at least two of the following: urine, poo, or throw up.
- Going anywhere takes exponentially longer than it ever did before.
- Your idea of a vacation is all the kids sleeping at once.
- You’ve ever bought the photo package upgrade because it would be a shame to throw away the ones that cost five times more than the ones you ordered.
- You have ever cried when you see all the Christmas gifts your relatives bring to your house.
- You know what a 5 point harness is and how to use it.
- You have developed a keen reflex for seizing people much smaller and faster than you.
- You can correctly decipher which of the ten meanings of “juice” is currently being used — and have even learned to use the word accordingly.
- Your wishlist includes the following: Boppy, Bumbo, & Hooter Hider.
Jeff Foxworthy has nothing on me. Let’s see what you can add in the comments!
Category: Humor
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