You Might Be a Parent If…

1. “Sleeping in” means sleeping to 7:30… A.M.
2. Any time past 9:30 is past your bed time.
3. Upon hearing “They’re two, they’re four, they’re six, they’re eight…” you drop in to a Brittish accent and perfectly complete the next line of the song. (I know some of you are humming…)
4. “No,” “stop,” and “don’t” comprise 75% of your active vocabulary.
5. Most of the “fine furniture” in your house is plastic and brightly colored.
6. If you had any money to invest, you would sink it all in to a few brands — Energizer, Pampers, & Fisher Price.
7. You’ve come to realize your threshold for “blowing chunks” is way beyond what you ever imagined.
8. Any accident that doesn’t require a trip to the emergency room is a reason for celebration.
9. All small objects in your house are mysteriously attracted to slots and holes, especially slots and holes in high dollar electronic equipment.
10. You ever suddenly find yourself simultaneously soaked in at least two of the following: urine, poo, or throw up.
11. Going anywhere takes exponentially longer than it ever did before.
12. Your idea of a vacation is all the kids sleeping at once.
13. You’ve ever bought the photo package upgrade because it would be a shame to throw away the ones that cost five times more than the ones you ordered.
14. You have ever cried when you see all the Christmas gifts your relatives bring to your house.
15. You know what a 5 point harness is and how to use it.
16. You have developed a keen reflex for seizing people much smaller and faster than you.
17. You can correctly decipher which of the ten meanings of “juice” is currently being used — and have even learned to use the word accordingly.
18. Your wishlist includes the following: Boppy, Bumbo, & Hooter Hider.

Jeff Foxworthy has nothing on me.  Let’s see what you can add in the comments!